March 2009 - Posts
Divorce cases that include adultery are never pleasant and can almost always be emotionally draining. It’s important to get the facts straight in all aspects of adultery.
If you openly catch your spouse in an affair then detectives and private eyes may not even be needed. It’s not often that a spouse comes clean about an affair and gives all the details you would need in your divorce case. A detective may help your case in court however. You will most likely need a corroborative witness, for example a mutual friend or neighbor, who has witnessed the affair and has nothing to gain by making a statement in court. A lot of adultery cases a proven by circumstantial evidence by proving that the spouse that had the affair had the opportunity and disposition to commit adultery. In order to establish adultery, you must have clear evidence that is very convincing.
A good example of convincing evidence would be public displays of affection between the guilty spouse and the paramour (the extramarital partner), such as holding hands, kissing, hugging. Those examples create evidence of an adulterous disposition. An example of an opportunity to commit adultery would be if the guilty spouse was seen at the paramour’s residence for long amounts of time. You must prove disposition and opportunity in most cases for the court to agree to adultery as grounds for divorce.
Build a good case for yourself and get all your facts together. The more information you collect and document, the better you will be prepared for your divorce.
Source : Virginia State Code
Controlled separation is a trendy approach to dealing with divorce in a less confrontational way. It's popularity has skyrocketed in the last few years. In a controlled separation you and your spouse will work with a counselor or mediator to arrange separation agreements and work to see if there is a resolution to your marriage as a final step before divorce proceedings continue.
By having a controlled separation you and your spouse can live separately and make negotiations for a marital solution. This is a very good thing to try. Sometimes a third unbiased party like a mediator or counselor can recognize problematic areas and possibly find a way to save your marriage. If the spouses are separated sometimes problems are easier to identify and possibly rectify.
In a controlled separation there will always be certain guidelines to follow based upon each couple's issues that they have in their marriage. Here are some ideas for planning your controlled separation.
Someone leaves the household. It is key to work on your problems without constantly arguing with your spouse. If one spouse leaves there will be more fresh air between you to make proper decisions.
Separation time limit. It is a good idea to have a goal as to when you will come to a resolution. Setting a timeline may help you work toward your goals in a more organized manner.
No attorney involvement. You and your spouse should agree to not involve an actual divorce until you have given controlled separation a fair shot and are willing to say that you did give this all you could.
Financial Support. You and your spouse should agree what is a fair way to make sure your spouse is okay financially.
Children's Involvement. Your children should not be neglected in any way. Make a visitation plan and possibly a family outing.
Intimate Relations. Determine whether continuing a sexual relationship will be wise for you at this difficult time.
Ending the Controlled Separation. Decide whether one spouse can end the controlled separation or whether both spouses must agree that it should end.
These guidelines will allow you to approach your issues in a positive and respectful manner. Everyone will be more cool calm and collected. Good luck to you !
In divorce there are plenty of financial preparations to be made. Ideally, the goal is to simplify the divorce and make sure both spouses make it through the divorce process. Here are some tips to make a financially brilliant divorce.
~ Know your state property laws. Find out whether you live in an equitable distribution state or a community property state. Be prepared for state specifics, you don’t need any surprises.
~ Construct your budget as a single person. This is imperative when making support estimations and planning future financial matters.
~ Learn about your retirement plan. This may come up in court and you need to be as prepared as possible.
~ Assess your assets. $200,000 in home equity is not the same as $200,000 in cash. See how your assets will affect your taxes as a married couple vs. a single adult.
~ Research child support and spousal maintenance. See how these affect yourself and your spouse.
~ Research the changes of taxes based on your marital change.
~ Make a plan for debt and credit issues. If you are keeping the marital property it is in your best interest to refinance the property so that it will only be in your name. Joint credit cards should be cancelled and new ones in just your name opened so that there are no unexpected surprises from your spouse.
~ Don’t forget insurance coverage. Take a look at your health, life, homeowner’s/renter’s and business insurances.
~ Report your plans of divorce to your employer so that they may change information on your W-4, your trust, insurance and retirement plan beneficiaries. Register everything in only your name.
If you are fully prepared, you are fully ready for divorce. Without preparation, you cannot be sure that you cover all areas. Learn your facts !
This collection of definitions will help you understand some specific terms in the Virginia Divorce laws, process and paperwork when dealing with divorce.
Filing Party Title:
Petitioner
The spouse who will initiate the divorce by filing the necessary paperwork with the court.
Non-Filing Party Title:
Respondent
The spouse who does not initiate the divorce with the court.
Court Name:
Circuit Court of ___________ County, Virginia
The name of the court in which a divorce is filed in the state of Virginia. Each jurisdictional court normally has a domestic relations or a family law section.
Document Introduction:
In Re the Marriage of:
The lead-in caption used in the legal header of the documents filed with the court. This introduction typically prefaces both spouse’s names.
Initial Divorce Document:
Petition for Divorce
The title and name of the legal document that will begin the Virginia Divorce process. The filing spouse is also required to provide the non-filing spouse a copy of this document in all cases.
Final Divorce Document:
Decree of Divorce
The title and name of the legal document that will finalize the Virginia Divorce process. This document will be signed by the judge or master of the court to declare your marriage officially terminated.
Clerk’s Office Name:
Office of the Clerk of the County Circuit Court
The office of the clerk that will handle the Divorce process. This is the title you would address letters to or ask for when contacting the courthouse.
Legal Separation:
The grounds for legal separation (separate maintenance) are the same as for divorce. One of the spouses must have been a resident of Virginia for at least 1 year prior to filing for legal separation.
Property Distribution:
Equitable Distribution
The applicable Virginia law that will dictate how all assets are to be divided upon Divorce.
Below is a list of common reasons why marriages fall apart and lead to divorce. It is wise to take a look at how you are dealing with these issues at this time and whether or not you need to make some adjustments.
1. Money Problems. Numerous couples argue about bills, spending habits and other various financial issues. Dealing with money problems now will determine whether money issues will have a negative or positive effect on your marriage in the long run.
2. Children. Some spouses disagree about several things concerning their children. Discipline is the biggest argument in marriages concerning children. It's a good idea to speak to your spouse thoroughly about their views in how situations, whatever they are, concerning children should be handled.
3. Sex. Frequency, quality and quantity of sex are often a common argument in marriage. Infidelity is also a source of stress or dissolve of marriage. A good sex life can help save your marriage. Talk to your spouse and see if their fantasies with you are being fulfilled.
4. Time Apart. Spending lots of time apart can often hurt marriages severely. Make a date. Set some time for just the two of you. Get back in sync with each other.
5. Household duties and Responsibilities. Many spouses argue over chores and duties, and whether they are dispersed between the spouses fairly. Instead of making a plan or chart most people just argue about what the other person didn't do. Mark a calendar with certain responsibilities. There will be no arguments if there is a record to refer to.
6. Friends. Some friends can be utterly toxic to your marriage. Identify friends who will support you and your marriage and those who may influence the breakdown of your relationship.
7. Irritating Habits. Some spouses find that their partner has habits that the other one just cannot stand. Don't be afraid to let your spouse know that there are things that you do not care for, preferably in a calm and non-confrontational manner.
8. Family. Lots of different family members can cause stress in a marriage. Remember to tread lightly while discussing your spouse's family. You and your spouse should always come first in your marriage, but there are times where you may have to yield to family members out of respect in certain situations.
9. Expectations of Marriage. Everyone enters marriage with a certain idea of how it will be. Sometimes marriage is not what someone expects it will be. See what your spouses expectations are and compare them to yours. Share your feelings.
10. Personality Conflicts. Do you avoid conflict ? Are you a "one-up" type of person ? Do you have a stubborn personality ? Take a look at your own personality traits and see if they match those of your spouse. Making a few adjustments could drastically make your marriage that much better.
These are common reasons why a marriage is stressed or failing. See how this list relates to you and your spouse. You may find that divorce isn't necessary. Remember, there is always opportunity for growth.